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The Coaching Industry Destroyed My Confidence (And Made Me a Better Person)

The Coaching Industry Destroyed My Confidence (And Made Me a Better Person)

I have a love/hate relationship with the coaching industry and coaching in general. Having been a coach for over ten years and been coached over eleven years, I have seen the impact first hand of what coaching can do for you. 

My gripes came in when the industry took a turn where it fed on the fears and insecurities of individuals rather than focusing on their strengths and potential for growth. 

We saw that the industry was constantly telling people how they were somehow “wrong” if they didn’t easily make 6 figures (without talking about the amount of work and back end is takes to make that happen), living the laptop lifestyle (again having a marketable skill, automation, support and delegation are an important part of the success of this lifestyle) and everything that was “wrong” with you was based on energy, feelings, and belief systems.

I fell into it too. I went through a phase of trying to fix myself because I felt that I wasn’t good enough. I was reading all the marketing that was constantly telling me that in order to make me buy solutions so I wouldn’t feel that way. I worked with experienced coaches and newbies – I let all these people into my energy and my consciousness. I would get off a coaching call, feeling a little less like myself since I had taken on the energy of yet another person who was trying to get in my head. Who wanted to frame what I needed to solve in myself and why I needed to work with them. 

The kicker really came to me in January this year, when I finally figured out the real reason why I would feel overwhelmed or feel a little depressed. It wasn’t because I didn’t believe in myself, there was something wrong with me, or that past trauma was impacting me. It was because I had side effects from concussions that I didn’t realize were impacting me. My brain would become overstimulated in crowds, computer screens made me exhausted and unable to function, and fluorescent lights were energy suckers for me. 

It was a sigh of relief knowing this was a concussion issue. What angered me was that I had invested heavily in the coaching industry thinking I had to fix something within myself when in reality, it was a physical challenge from past injuries. 

What happened after is where the magic was. As I recovered from the concussions, I became more discerning about where I needed growth and where I needed compassion. I also became more discerning about what type of coaching I needed, what type of support I needed.

Do I regret all that I invested in coaching? No, not at all. It taught me who I really am at the core. It taught me to recognize what resonates and what doesn’t. And most importantly, it taught me how to trust myself. Yes, I could have invested a lot less and made fewer mistakes, but I have compassion for myself because in the end of it all, I gained so much as a person. 

The coaching industry has flaws, but there is a real place for it as well. If I hadn’t wanted to grow into the person I am today, I wouldn’t have invested in myself. I strengthened my leadership skills, increased my productivity, learned to work smarter rather than harder, understanding my strengths and weaknesses, I learned to ask for help with more ease, trust others more when I have delegated, I also learned when I needed to leave a situation and know how to assess when to enter a new one. 

Coaching is something I believe in strongly. I recommend everyone have a coach on a retainer that they can bounce ideas off, use as a soundboard, be accountable to, and who creates a container to allow your growth. Sometimes (most times), it is best to have someone outside of your normal day-to-day life provide the insights and shed light on your blindspots. 

When choosing a coach, I recommend becoming clear on what your goal with coaching is. Then seek recommendations for coaches from people you trust. Know for yourself what is important for your own transformation- if they use tools, worksheets, emotional intelligence tests, etc. You may not know their tool in and out, but asking about their methods should be a part of the interview process. I encourage you to try interviewing a few coaches to find a fit of style of coaching. 

Here are some key questions to ask when interviewing your prospective coaches:

  1. What type of people have you worked with before?
  2. What type of success have your past clients had?
  3. Where did you learn coaching techniques? (I strongly recommend engaging someone who has gone through a coaching program and has a coaching certificate. The ICF (International Coaches Certification) is great as well, but not all great coaches have it. Usually corporates, not individuals, are the ones that look for the ICF certification). 
  4. What was their background before coaching? (The industry is unregulated, therefore it is important for you that they bring relevant experience and education.)
  5. What are their fees? (Remember that you are paying for their education, experience, skills, and talent over the years, so their coaching fees should reflect that experience.)

Everyone can benefit from coaching at different points in their career, but as it is a significant investment in yourself, make sure you find someone you want to work with and who you feel can provide the support you need!

If you are considering pursuing coaching with Veza Community, schedule your complimentary coaching consult today! We’d be happy to answer the above questions and anything else you might be curious about.

How to Create your Own Work Abroad Opportunities: Expanding personal perspectives while gaining invaluable work experience overseas.

How to Create your Own Work Abroad Opportunities: Expanding personal perspectives while gaining invaluable work experience overseas.

We live in a world where we can connect to literally every corner of the planet. Sure, there may be some disconnect with remote Antarctica, deep in the jungles of Africa or the Amazon, but we’re pretty well connected worldwide. In 2015, the International Telecommunication Union reported approximately 3.2 billion people online. Of that population approximately 2 billion from from developing countries.

This level of connectivity truly makes the globe seem a lot smaller and a lot more accessible to us.  Further, with this ability to link and build relationships virtually, every individual also has the power to contribute and make a global impact— not just online but through work abroad opportunities.

Why Would Someone Want to Work Abroad?

I’m going to share my story so you can get a bit of insight as to why I’m personally such a huge proponent of overseas work experience.

In 2009, I volunteered in Botswana as an HR advisor for an NGO. During those three weeks, I experienced a profound shift in perspective on the AIDS situation in the world, how big the world really is, and how relatively small my own little world was back home in Vancouver. That trip changed everything.

I met people from around the world, and I lost so many preconceived ideas about people who are living with HIV. I was in a country where one in three people is impacted by the disease, and I never knew who was HIV positive, and who wasn’t. It really reinforced the fact that at the end of the day, people are defined by who they are at their core, rather than the labels we affix to them.

People are individuals.

That was my first experience working abroad, and it allowed me to realize just how much travelling can broaden our perspectives. It opens both our eyes and our minds to what else is out there, and also made me realize how important it is to create these opportunities for ourselves: so we can learn and grow while also being forces for positive change in the global community.

Volunteering

After my trip to Botswana, I went to India as a volunteer at an orphanage for children whose parents were imprisoned, and that turned into a paid contract. Amazingly, I made this opportunity for myself simply by contacting the orphanage and letting them know that I wanted to volunteer with them. Once I was there, I helped them fundraise for their nonprofit marketing initiatives, and the results were so successful that they kept me on in a paid role. The work I did there had a profound impact on the children’s lives: the kids at the orphanage were either waiting for their parents to get out of jail, or else they were orphaned because their parents had died while imprisoned. They needed money for food and to go to school, otherwise they would have ended up on the streets. This was good work that benefited so many, and all it took to put this positive change into action was a simple phone call.

After my time in India, I kept manifesting that I wanted to work internationally, and managed to network and connect with a number of people who did international work. They helped me to secure volunteer positions with nonprofit organizations, and that was a stepping stone to paid international positions.

Volunteering abroad is an idea way to dip your toes into the work-abroad experience, and are often easier to secure VISAs for. There are many different programs that allow people to volunteer abroad for global experience, but there are also ways to work around various VISA requirements. As an example, depending on how long a country allows visitors to stay, you can go “on vacation” for a month somewhere and work remotely for your company.

Conferences and Trade Mission

Networking to make connections is vital when it comes to volunteering, but another option is to take advantage of opportunities to go on trade missions. If the company you’re working for provides chances to attend different conferences, you have the ability to network with others at those conferences, and to also glean firsthand awareness of what may be possible within that country.

This is especially relevant if you’re in business, since trade missions allow you to grow your business with federal and provincial/state government assistance. It’s desirable for people to export to other countries, so these government bodies can provide funding and resources to help you grow your presence elsewhere, and establish good supplier/customer connections. To look into this further, take some time and delve into resources for small businesses, especially those that focus on women’s initiatives.

Whichever route you choose to take, there are numerous opportunities to gain you invaluable experience working in countries you’ve always wished to visit. Your presence there can have a monumental impact on our global community plus you’ll leave with broadened perspectives and spectacular memories.

I invite you to a complimentary coaching consultation on how to develop your international opportunity. Please book your time here

Who’s Permission are you waiting for?

Who’s Permission are you waiting for?

It isn’t like you are 5 years old and you are looking for parental or other adult permission. I get that. You are an adult where you are living on your own terms, in your own way and doing what you want to do. Deep down many of us are still seeking for the nod or the approval from someone (be it your parents or partner or even yourself) to acknowledge your success and yourself.

Permission – is the allowance that is given to someone so they can take action or act a certain way. In many cultures the permission to do things came from the masculine and the permission to act a certain way came from the feminine. Traditionally, men were the breadwinners and were outside the home and whereas the females were the ones who taught behaviour, manners and the emotional aspect.

Take a moment to reflect on your home life. What did your father teach you about what actions you could or could not take and what did your mother teach you about your behaviour?

They both may have taught you other things or crossed cultural norms for their roles,  but look at what their primary role was in your career. How did their opinion shape your career?

While reflecting, take a moment to highlight for yourself where do you need to stop waiting for permission?

If you are looking for a technique to use to literally unleash from this mindset so they can fully give themselves permission and acceptance… and that’s one of the major gifts of stepping into the Worthy Leader Mastermind.

If this is something you struggle with as well, come join us. We can help you overcome these obstacles and be empowered with your own choices—to give yourself all the permission you need, and be confident in your own worthiness.

If you haven’t check out the Worthy Leader Mastermind yet, here is the link to learn more and apply for one of the 3 spots remaining for the program. https://vezaglobal.com/worthy-leader-mastermind

My story and why I didn’t think I was worthy

My story and why I didn’t think I was worthy

I have been struggling this past week. I thought it had to do with the full moon where I felt so disconnected from my essence, my core and my true identity. All the things what veza means – someone who aligns to their truth. It was quite funny to me that all the things that my company stands for is what I felt the most disconnected within myself.

Currently I am at a personal development seminar, one of many that I have attended over the years and I couldn’t help and think to myself, why am I? Why am I doing another seminar and what am I really seeking?

Over the years, I have invested way more time and money into my own personal development than I would like to acknowledge and I realized that I had hit a tipping point about a year ago where I had enough. I was tired of feeling like I was not worthy. I was tired of feeling like there was something wrong with me and I was tired of other people seeing me as I felt like something was wrong with me when I had my breakthrough moments. I do analyze myself and am very self-aware but that does not mean there is something wrong with me. It just means that I am aware to my unconscious programming so I can do something about it.

So a year later as I am at this seminar, I think to myself what is it that I am seeking when I know it all lies within me. I realized it was the reminder of the connection to my essence that is what I was seeking. I was seeking the reminder of who I really am and how did I really get here.

I am the woman who survived a childhood auto immune disease.

I am the woman who survived the feelings of not feeling worthy of love, commitment and attention.

I am the woman who survived intense backpain where I didn’t walk straight for three years and used to crawl to the bathroom.

I am the woman who has lost friends in the process of my growth.

I am the woman who has attracted a community of individuals who are soul sisters and soul brothers.

I am the woman who went from unraveling from the grief of her brother to gaining a whole new set of brothers and sister in laws.

I am the women who survived five concussions even though I may get headaches on a regular basis and there are days where noise bothers me, I still am high functioning.

I am the woman who was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and know that I need to eat a certain way and exercise to keep inflammation down.

I am the woman who takes action, makes things I want happen.

I am the woman who took a volunteer role in Botswana, India and at an UN-affiliated agency in Netherlands.

I am the woman who published the story “Thriving while Grieving” in the “Time to Thrive” edition of Chicken Soup for the Soul.

I am the woman who is going to be leading the first trade missions for women entrepreneurs of cultural backgrounds, creating a space for them to expand their businesses globally.

I am the woman who worked through her low confidence, low self image, lack of respect for self, scarcity mindset, lack of worthiness and lack of deserving mindset to be who I am today.

I am the woman who knows there are other woman who now feel understood as someone went through what they went through.

I share this because I needed the women in the veza community to know they are not alone. They are enough. They are worthy of love, attention, respect and they are worthy of their dreams.

You, who is reading this, is worthy of everything you want. You are worthy of the love and connection you seek. You are worthy of commitment. You are worthy of the career you desire. You are worthy of having a global company. You are worthy of publishing that book. You are worthy of selling that painting. You are worthy of that promotion. You are worthy.

I call you to join me in the Worthy Leader Mastermind. 6 Months for you to step deeper into your sense of worthiness, deeper into your confidence, deeper into your spiritual journey and deeper into your awareness and impact more people and contribute at a level that you imagined.  

 

28 Leaders To Watch: Meet Bippan Dhillon

28 Leaders To Watch: Meet Bippan Dhillon

This February, all month long, we’re honouring the work of 28 inspiring leaders. Women who are drawing upon and celebrating their culture while making a lasting difference in their community using their gifts. From authors and teachers, CEOs to entrepreneurs, not-for-profit directors, artists, and more, these women are changing the face of leadership.

These are truly women to watch and veza community is so pleased to share their brilliance.

May their stories inspire YOU to rise.

Meet Bippan Dhillon, the creatrix behind Love on Paper.

Bippan is a nature fangirl who started collecting greeting cards in high school, got her business chops at The University of Washington where she studied Marketing and Finance, and loves to find any reason to celebrate with her crew. After watching her immigrant parents chase the American Dream, she realized there was more to be said for standing out than fitting in.

Bippan’s own wedding invitations were crafted using handmade papers in ivory and gold and included the verses of an Indian Song. And despite the misspelling of her father-in-law’s name and a misprint of her wedding date that she had to creatively correct, Bippan believes that this little misadventure was what set the tone for her marriage—perfectly imperfect.

She is a visionary, an entrepreneur, a pioneer, a Mom, a magician, a wife, and so much more that she is still discovering.

So tell us, Bippan: What inspires you most? What motivates you to get up every morning?

I see each day as being new: a chance to start anew, a chance to do something new, meet someone new, have amazing new experiences.

How do you feel that your actions teach or inspire others?

I’m curious, I question, I learn, I take risks, I mess up and tell them how I mess up.

What is one change you’d like to see in the world?

I’m really intentional about words and I would love for people to see their lives as if they were growing wiser instead of growing old.

Which of your contributions to date have given you the greatest sense of pride?

The contribution I’ve made to myself that has then allowed me to contribute to others. To be a better Mother, Wife, Sister, Community Member, Business Partner.

We hope you’ve enjoyed getting to know Bippan! Learn more about her work and stay connected via social media @loveonpaper_

Ready to RISE as a leader in your own right?

Get your copy of veza community’s NEW Feminine Leadership Guide. It’s our gift to YOU.

Inside the Feminine Leadership Guide you’ll receive a series of activating journal prompts and action exercises to inspire your next steps on the journey to greater impact.

The High Price of Indecision

We’ve all dealt with indecision at some point in our lives, especially in a work environment.

The trouble is, indecision comes with a really high price.

Being in limbo, without a clear decision to move forward keeps you stuck, unable to move forward… and yet, it can be really easy to wallow in a pool of decisions left unmade. 

So WHY is it so difficult to make decisions?

Because thinking for ourselves, and making decisions for ourselves is confronting.

It’s so much easier to allow others to make the rules and tell us what to do. Our cultural and family biases often program us to search for and cling to the approval we receive in following the rules. We’ get really used to following the “leader” and doing things correctly. Rarely are we rewarded for making independent decisions and paving our own path. Making independent decisions comes with the potential for embarrassment, failure or some form of punishment.

Religion is a perfect example of this: a lot of people look to other individuals (such as religious leaders) to make decisions for them, rather than making those decisions themselves. Being in a passive role like this may seem easier at first, but is actually quite detrimental to happiness and personal development if it keeps you from from moving forward with confidence.

How can you be happy and confident your actions if you’re never encouraged to choose what creates happiness for you?

That lack of self-assurance translates into your leadership. Specifically, it diminishes your ability to make confident decisions and of course, your colleagues or team members will feel it too. 

When you’re unable to make confident decisions on your own, it undermines and manifests low confidence in every aspect of your life, and other people will pick up on it as well.

People need decisiveness in their managers and business partners.

An assertive, decisive attitude shows that you have confidence in your abilities as well as your choices. It instantly amps up your credibility and trustworthiness.

Indecisiveness, on the other hand, detracts from your credibility, and limits your ability to attract the leadership and partnership opportunities you want most.

So where does indecision stem from?

One of the main contributing factors is analysis paralysis. This  happens when you overthink every aspect and consequence of every possible decision that can be made. It’s like a game of chess in which a player sees hundreds of moves ahead with any play they make, and as such, they have a very tough time making a move at all.

This kind of downward spiral won’t just affect you personally. It will also impact your business, your colleagues and your employees too.

When you spend so much time overthinking things, you waste a lot of time and often don’t come to any decision at all.  Your paralysis keeps everyone else stuck and frustrated in turn, and opportunities pass you and your organization by.

Solid analysis is important before making a choice so your decision is a well-informed one; however, at some point you have to stop analyzing and commit to some direction so you can move forward. At some point you have to cut off all the other options, make a choice and understand that this decision will lead you in the right direction, trusting that this will open up doors for you.

It’s also possible that the direction you choose won’t be the ideal one. You may have to course correct. 

What’s most important is that you take SOME action regardless of what it is.

At times you do have to just make a decision, put plans into action and allow momentum to inform you of what to do next.

So often we’re looking for clarity so that we can make a decision and yet it’s making the decision and that actually creates clarity.

In a situation like this, where you’ve made a decision but soon after it doesn’t feel like the “right” one for you, it’s really important to listen to those feelings and trust your gut instinct. If you can’t trust your own intuition you’ll want to turn to someone you do trust for guidance and reassurance, whether that’s your Guides, or an established Mentor or Life coach, or a your Mastermind partners.

This isn’t a time to ask colleagues or family members about their opinion.  They’re likely to offer biased advice instead of the objective, impartial feedback you’re after.  With colleagues, in particular, you also run the risk of undermining how they view and listen to you in future situations. Sometimes (with less supportive or understanding colleagues) asking for advice to course correct  previous decision can be seen as abdicating personal responsibility or displaying lack of self confidence. These aren’t traits you want to cultivate when in a position of leadership so it’s best to play it safe by asking for advice in a very safe space.

Avoiding this predicament is one of the reasons it’s so crucial to have a coach or mentor to turn to. They can provide a great sounding board for you to work through your decisions while allowing you the space to justify your actions to yourself without judgment or potential backlash. They’re just there to listen.

More importantly, working through your decisions or the consequences that follow with a mentor or coach is like a practice run that makes it easier for you to  justify decision to others when needed.

Finally, when it comes to indecision, the most important thing to keep in mind is that every single decisions is an opportunity to learn and grow. Decisions can always be reversed or course corrected along the way if needed: nothing is really set in stone.

Should you find that you’ve made the “wrong” decision in a given situation, be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Forgive yourself, and then move towards the direction that feels more aligned.  

Remember that once you’re in motion, it’s easy to change direction: it’s taking the first step forward that’s the most difficult.

It’s the Veza 2018 Goal Setting Intention Guide.

This is a special workbook I’ve created for our community (for free) to help you review your year and set intentional goals for the year to come. The first section is all about capturing this year’s accomplishments so I highly recommend downloading it if you’re wanting to talk new salary (or new role) in 2018.

 Download your copy of the Veza 2018 Goal Setting Intention Guide here

p.s. After you grab your copy be sure to join us over in our  private Facebook Community  where we’ll be completing the workbook together and masterminding to create a game plan to magnetize your dream career (with the salary to match) in 2018.

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