Last night was so magical in so many ways. Last night was the reading and celebration of my story “Thriving while Grieving” in the Chicken Soup for the Soul “Time to Thrive” book. I had the opportunity to celebrate with a room full of amazing souls.
Below is my speech that I wanted to share with you about my journey to this story and the celebration of who my brother is. For those who aren’t aware, my brother transitioned to a new life in July 2013 at the young age of 32. He is now the guardian angel of many.
Life happens for us. We are constantly prepared for what is coming up in our lives. We never really truly know why things are happening or why are our intuition is guiding us a certain way but as long as we have faith and trust in what our intuition is telling us we will be guided to have the strength and tools to deal with any situation.
I remember back to 2001, I was “talking to someone” in a dating sense and I remembered saying to him that I would be the ones who took care of my parents when they are older. I remember he abruptly said that that was my brother’s role not mine. If me and him were to ever get married, his parents were priority not mine. Thank God that I listened to my intuition and ended things quickly with him.
Over the last few years as my brother and I moved in and out of my parents home even though they kept trying to get us married and kick us out. It was an interesting dynamic as I remember remarking to friends that sometimes I felt like an only child as my brother wouldn’t join us on family trips or for Sunday brunch. Little did I know that his soul was slowly preparing us for what was going to come forth.
We are here to celebrate him tonight. He would have been telling everyone that he’s my brother and how cool it is that my story is in this book. He used to brag about me a lot. I kind of miss that. It was always nice to know I had my own fan club in my family.
When I went on leave from UBC for burn out and depression, he wouldn’t accept it. To him I was his anchor and his rock so there was nothing wrong with me. He constantly was trying to make me laugh and wouldn’t listen to a word I said as that was better for me so he thought.
Even when my intuition strongly told me to move back home, I couldn’t understand why. I was angry at my intuition but I knew I had to do it. It didn’t make sense. I am so glad I listened because the 3 months that me and him spent watching movies, hanging out, and watching the Discovery Channel I will always treasure. He would be so needy when I left the house. So I would have to explain to him where I went.
The one memory that I really treasure is the party me and him hosted. He took himself off as a host so I would be responsible for cleaning and doing all the shopping. When it came to the party, he went into hosting mode. Making sure everyone was having a good time and had drinks. I asked him why he was doing that now, he goes “well you paid for everything and we already negotiated you are cleaning. I’m a better host than you are so I’m hosting now.”
The devastation that my parents and I experienced when we received the news of his passing is an understatement. I have told this story though many times but when we went to the viewing and it was my time with him, I for so much clarity of why my life was the way it was. It was like the puzzle pieces all fell into place. The message was very clear that I had been single up uptil this point to spend time with him and then take care of parents until they found their new normal. It was also clear he would be my guardian angel moving forward and he would be sending me new opportunities my way.
It is odd but since he has passed everything that I always wanted happened. I was fortunate enough to go launch the Dhahan Punjabi Literature Prize in India and Pakistan. Doing an international project had always been a dream of mine. I was also able to travel for 2.5 months at one time plus with many trips over the last two years. Financially, I didn’t have to worry while I took time to grieve and feel my emotions. I was fortunate enough to be introduced to the Tony Robbins community right before which was so instrumental in my reclaiming of my life and purpose. I relaunched my coaching business in that year. I knew that living my purpose is what my brother wanted for me.
I became clear that I would be supporting ethnic women become even more successful, break glass ceiling and move deeper into their passions/purpose. I received clarity that as the connector that I am, I am able to elevate and awaken women to aspects of themselves that they have forgotten. With these empowered women, we empower our children and men therefore, ending the cycles of sexual abuse, violence and emotional disabilities. We also launched my brother’s not for profit – Tka’s Eternal Life Society.
The night before he left, he had called me at 5am, and was telling me that I needed to help him with his business. I needed to make him successful, I needed to help him to leave his legacy. I wasn’t able to help him create his business but I was able to keep his legacy and his mission alive through the ball hockey tourney and other events where we will be focusing on men’s emotional, mental, spiritual and physical health. We are supporting children be healthy and have greater skills they learn through sports. Yes it is difficult to build three organizations at the same time but again listening to my intuition of bringing the right people on the ride is the most important lesson.
My brother has taught me many lessons from having more authentic relationships, to listening to messages/signs, to allowing myself to be supported. After he left us, I felt really lonely. I treated him as my child for most of our lives. It was until recently I started to be his friend. I never realized how close we were until I heard the stories from his friends. They had to tell me that he considered me one of his best friends. I realized I did the same. I wish I had the emotional awareness to have that conversation with him when he was alive. These types of “regrets” are not what I want anyone else to live with.
The goal of the awareness of this story is to raise awareness of depression/grief and most of all how our emotions affect our success. Success is something we all define differently. Success shows up in All areas of our lives. Success can be just being happy, satisfied and in alignment to what your heart says.
My mission has become to empower people to be successful in all areas of their lives. I do this through coaching using emotional intelligence and intuitiveness. No I don’t read people’s minds. Living my purpose allows me to feel more alive than ever before. After my brother passed, I also questioned why I was still here. I wished I was the one that had gotten to leave (which is survivor’s guilt) but living my purpose I’m constantly reminded that I have so much to do here on earth, to impact others and change how south Asian women view themselves and empower them to achieve new heights within their worlds including starting and growing their businesses. My brother left but his guidance has allowed me to become a voice for those who lost hope, desire and the will to live in hopes they will reclaim their purpose and passion as well.